Everything changes
People often talk about how hard the first weeks can be after being released from prison. In our last trainee blog of the year, StandOut Experts Beyond Bars member Hall speaks openly about the challenges he faced as he navigated his first year after release.
When I was released from prison, my first year was the hardest.
Adjusting to life after prison is challenging and it can be an isolating and lonely experience as the reality of life kicks in. It doesn’t have to be this way if you possess a positive mindset for change.
I came out of prison bursting with confidence and enthusiasm. Everything felt amazing: I was going to Hakkasan, Selfridges, clubs. After I had done everything I dreamed of doing in the first week after prison, the dopamine rush wore off. This is when reality kicked in and the challenges and uncertainties hit me head on. The first month after release is only the beginning of the journey and, without a structure and support system in place, things can get ugly fairly quickly. The world can be a harsh place and - when coming out of prison - the fallacy of prison being tougher than real life really hits home. Responsibilities and obligations I hadn’t had to deal with for a period of time, all came into play. The pressure to provide for myself had the potential to throw me off-course. I’d seen my peers moving on in life and it felt like I was stuck. Negativity consumed me to the point where I realised I wasn’t making rational decisions: I was desperate.
Being arrested again was the trigger that flicked the switch. It shocked me to realise how close I’d come to going back to prison and from then on I was committed to change. I believe you need to be brave to want to change - it takes courage. It’s not easy, but with help and support it is achievable. It was the long hard look at myself after I was arrested that made me realise how much I really did want to change.
I was lucky to have StandOut to support me, a mentor from Trailblazers and a few family members who stuck by me. But without the 100% commitment and pledge to change from me, nothing would have happened. I would have liked change to happen sooner but the process of realisation takes time, and StandOut helped create the foundation for that.
One thing the StandOut course focused on was the ‘Power Mindset’. Your mindset is important because your thoughts can dictate and influence your actions. A ‘Power Mindset’ helps you to take responsibility and to think about your choices : I found it helped me grow as an individual, and meant that I was less likely to succumb to self destructive choices. It’s important to say that using a ‘Power Mindset’ will not guarantee success, nothing will, but it went a long way to helping me to progress forward in my life.
I make all of this sound easy but, in reality, a journey out of prison is rarely straightforward. Allowing time for the process of change requires patience and determination to stay on track. You can’t always be the best version of yourself, so learning from my mistakes instead of being hard on myself is a good place to start. I learnt to play the long game and put trust into organisations that genuinely wanted to help me. This, together with my own determination, is what continues to make the difference.