The relationship is the most important thing

In this blog, CEO and Founder, Penny Parker, reflects on the power of relationships and others believing in you – sparked by our supporters’ event with Jacob Dunne. 

StandOut recently gathered together supporters for an evening of conversation about the justice system. We got started with a lively discussion about prisons, rehabilitation, and StandOut, as coaches and participants hosted pre-dinner drinks – inviting guests to learn more about our programme and the power of coaching, from those who understand it best.  

Over dinner, our guest speaker, Jacob Dunne, whose story is portrayed in Punch, captivated the room. He shared his journey, the events that led to a single, fatal punch and, of course, restorative justice, and his life’s transformation.  

Jacob’s over-arching message was this: the quality of your life can be measured in the quality of your relationships. 

For Jacob, it was a relationship developed in the most unlikely of situations, through meeting with Joan and David - the parents of James Hodgkinson, who died after hitting his head on the ground as a result of Jacob’s punch. It was that relationship, and a simple question: "what are you going to do with your life?” that stopped him in his tracks.

While listening, I was struck by the parallels with what we do and how we do it at StandOut. People often assume we’re about teaching the practical things and, of course, there are elements of the programme that are full of intensely practical information. But it’s not information that changes people, it’s belief. 

As Jacob’s story so effectively illustrates, belief can come powerfully from other people. By asking their question, Joan and David showed Jacob they cared and believed there was something more for him. That belief in him meant they were also going to keep checking in as, step by step, he put things in place.  

At StandOut, we work relationally. We know that – where we have built mutual trust and created a foundation of belief and accountability – it’s the relationship that empowers positive change. Quality relationships take time and require honesty and a willingness to be open and authentic; if not, interactions will be transactional or imbalanced by power dynamics and control.  

At a time when the justice system is creaking at the seams, relational working is like gold dust. With resources at capacity, even the most committed will find their time stretched to the limit with the clock running down as paperwork, people and tasks stack up.  

It’s why small (and usually independently funded) organisations are a game-changer in our justice system; continually showing up for people, asking that one question, and holding belief for someone until they can hold it for themselves.